Finding Joy in Opposition

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about this sweet boy.  I love him so much, and I don't mean to complain, but he has been challenging.  He's very rarely happy for more than just a few minutes at a time, and he cries more than any baby I've ever known. 

But that's not the part I want to focus on.  I want to focus on how his nearly constant crying has taught me to be thankful for opposition.  You see, whenever he is happy, I immediately drop everything I am doing to talk to him, see his cute smiles, hear his adorable coos, stare into his beautiful blue eyes, and take in every second of his happy times, knowing they are fleeting and will soon turn into cries again.  They are the highlights of my day, and I feel myself absorbing them and trying to tuck them into my memory to remember forever.

One evening, I was really struggling.  I was explaining to my husband how it's hard that my good times are getting shorter and farther between, and it's likely to continue this way for a long time.  That's so hard to accept and embrace.  But then my mind turned to my sweet baby boy and how his frequent sadness has made me appreciate his fleeting happy moments so much more.  The light clicked in my mind.  My days might be filled with darkness, sadness, and lack of energy now, but boy have I learned to love and cherish and be thankful for the moments that aren't like that.  The sudden boosts of energy are so refreshing.  The days when I am not on the brink of tears all day are beautiful.  The times when light seems so clear and bright are rejuvenating.

But would I appreciate these the way I do if darkness was not part of my life's story?  Would I know exactly how wonderful those moments are if I didn't know how heartbreaking and painful the opposite can be?

Just writing that makes me feel so blessed.  I never would have known to be so thankful, and that brings me incredible joy.

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