There are still some sad things I face today, like the small chance of ever conceiving, which brings tears to my eyes today. Although I am cancer free, there are still some things I have to fight. The facial paralysis left me mostly blind in my right eye, and I’m completely deaf in my right ear. I can’t really run or hop or skip, but I can walk and very rarely fall down.
How have I found joy through this challenge? While I was in treatment, my mom and I would play the glad game. It’s a game where everyday, no matter how awful it was, we would find something to be glad about. Some days, it was that the most adorable kid was in the waiting room. Some days, it was that I didn’t throw up for several hours. Other days, it was that my white blood cell count was up by 5 or that there was a good flavor of gelato available. It didn’t have to be big things, like the circus came to town or that I was miraculously healed. Everyday, I found some tender mercy that let me know that God was looking out for me, and even though it was an awful trial I had to endure, there was still beauty and wonder all around me. I am now cancer free, going on 8 years. After some facial reconstructive surgeries, I can move my whole face. I can walk without leg braces or a walker. I still don’t have a full head of hair, and never will, but I have several wigs and get to change my hairstyle whenever I feel like it. That’s another thing that helped me is finding all the pros and cons. Radiation and chemo were awful, but I have completely clear skin now. Mosquitoes didn’t bite me for a while after treatment. I’m a lovely pale color which I’m convinced will come back into fashion. Anything can be seen as awful when we only look at in that way. Look for sunshine in your life as well as the silver lining of your woes.