Finding joy through all of this has been so difficult, but it has been seen and felt all along the way. Watching your child die and saying goodbye for a lifetime does not even seem like the word 'joy' fits into it all. And in the first few months, it doesn't. My husband and I chose from the moment Ollie died to try and find joy each and everyday, even if it was the smallest thing, such as the sun shining. We were not okay or happy about Ollie passing on, but we had to look for something that brought an inkling of joy, because we were still alive for some reason. We were so heavy in grief in the first few months and years that it was truly a constant struggle to not be consumed with our darkness. We had to wake up every morning and fight to see that joy, and as we did, the light could enter our bodies just a bit and heal our heavy hearts.
Then a year after Ollie died, we had our 2 lb. preemie at 27 weeks gestation, and we wanted to give up all together. Of course that was not an option for either of us, so we again fought to see the tender miracles in our daily life that brought us joy. No one could walk our journey for us, so we had to figure out how to persevere. For me personally it was calling upon something more powerful than myself to help carry my heavy burden. And I had to find strength deep within my soul to push forward one day at a time. I quickly learned to live in the present moment in time, the moment we are all given. We cannot control the past, and we don't know the future, so we need to find joy in the exact present moment.
Now 5 years later, we are learning to live with our new life and accepting that we can't change things, but we can choose to live a joyful life; we do have that choice. We all have a purpose and won't be taken home until our life has been fulfilled and we have accomplished what we were meant to accomplish, even if it seems cut short.
Find your daily joy!!
To read more details of Tiffany's inspiring story of finding JOY through her struggles, visit her BLOG. You can also read a more detailed story of Ollie's accident HERE.