When I first had the idea of starting this blog, I wanted to call it something along the lines of "Like a Broken Vessel" (from Elder Holland's General Conference talk) or "God Loves Broken Things" (from a song by Kenneth Cope). I wanted the title to include the word broken in it somehow.
When I shared this idea with my husband, he asked how people would feel being called broken for struggling with depression. I told him that, to me, depression feels like being broken, having a broken mind, a broken heart, a broken spirit.
Our discussion led me to want a more positive, uplifting title for my blog, but I still think about the word broken often.
Why do I think of myself as being broken when I am in the strong grasp of depression?
Is broken the right word to describe the depth of pain and sorrow only known and understood by those who have been down that road before?
Is being broken, or thinking of myself as broken, a bad thing?
The more I've thought about this, the more I've decided that the word broken is the only accurate word (that I've found so far) to describe what depression feels like, but it's not a bad thing at all.
I mean, aren't we supposed to have broken hearts and contrite spirits (see 3 Nephi 12:19)? Isn't that a requirement to keeping the commandments and really coming unto Christ?
Wasn't the Savior Himself broken, hurt, torn, and full of sorrow, all so that He could understand us when we are broken?
Doesn't the word broken imply that there is hope that we can be mended, made whole, and healed someday?
Right now, I feel broken, but I am learning to be thankful for my brokenness, the brokenness that allows me to more fully rely on Christ, more fully understand His life and the pain He suffered, more fully understand others on this painful journey, and more fully understand the great blessings that await us when our broken hearts are healed, never to be broken again.