True Love

My love story started 3 1/2 years ago in the beautiful Nauvoo Temple.  On that hot, but not humid, September morning, my husband and I stared into the mirrors facing each other on opposite walls in the temple and looked into eternity.  We thought we knew what love was, or at least I did.

Our sealer read this poem, and everything about the new life we were starting together seemed dreamy and perfect.  I thought I knew what it would be like to go through storms and tempests together, but now I realize that I had no clue.

I find it fascinating that our sealer read a poem about light and lighting each other's flames, since my world has suddenly been inundated with darkness.  I also find it fascinating that the darkness has taught me what true love is.

I don't often feel the emotion of love I used to feel.  In fact, many times I feel like being alone, and I have to push myself with everything I have to put effort into my family, mostly because I don't feel motivated to put effort into anything.  I feel darkness where I used to feel loving and caring and happy emotions.

But in the places of my heart that used to hold love and now hold darkness, I have learned that true love is not an emotion.  True love is an action.  I show my love for my family, and I prove that love to myself, by doing the dishes when I really don't care if they get done, by using the good days or moments I have to do special things for them, and by holding on when I wish with all my heart that giving up could be an option.

I have felt my husband's love when he has held me as my heart shatters, when he has come home from working all day and made dinner because I was struggling, when he has promised that he will stand by me through my darkest moments and never leave, and when he tells me that he feels my love over and over and over again when I'm upset that the emotion of love isn't there.

Our love story is not what it used to be or what I thought it would be.  But for some reason, I don't want to go back.  I do hope that we will find a way to remove this darkness from my life, but I'm so thankful that, no matter what, our deepened love will remain.  And I will forever be grateful that I am married to a man whose light and love shine brightly through darkness.

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