So this is when my friend and I decided to go get 2 twin boy and girl outfits. We didn’t know the sexes yet. As the months went by, I started to get things ready for them to come. I was wondering all sorts of things, like how I was going to feed them and how much sleep I would or would not get. I knew that life was going to be very different. I didn’t know if I was quite up to the challenge, but at this point, I didn’t have much of a choice. We understood that they were going to be fraternal twins, and I was happy about that.
I don’t remember at what point we found out what the sex was, but we were going to have 2 boys. They were identical. We found this out when I went to a special hospital . We were going in for what we thought would be a regular visit. We were told that the boys had “Twin to Twin Syndrome.” For those of you who don’t know what this is, it is where they both share the same placenta. One of the twins has a decreased amount of blood volume. I didn’t know at the time how serious this was. I was put on bed rest at 27ish weeks. I spent a week at home and then I went into the hospital, and they took some amniotic fluid out of my belly. At that time I got to see my boys move. That was a heart warming moment. One of the boys decided to go up and see what was invading their space. The doctor had poked a needle inside of me and that was how he was releasing the fluid. My little boy felt the tip of the needle and quickly moved his hand away. It was funny to watch. I ended up staying for 7 days after that. It was mainly because I was having contractions. That was very hard to not have my husband with me. He would call everyday and sometimes even come and see me. Where I was staying was an hour away from where we lived. I was so glad that it wasn’t further. I was able to finally go home.
I wasn’t home for very long before I hadn’t felt the boys move. Jeff and his sister Tami had just come home from church, and I had mentioned that I hadn’t felt movement for a little while. We ended up going back to the hospital that was in our little town. We were there for an hour before my doctor had called the other hospital to life flight me. We had 2 heart beats going so I wasn’t nervous. I was a little afraid to go without Jeff. I heard the helicopter come and that is when I felt more afraid. It was so loud in the helicopter that they put earmuff-like things on my ears. Once I got to the hospital they put all the monitors back on my belly. Jeff was able to get there soon after. I think that we were there no longer than 45 minutes, when my whole world changed.
My regular special doctor came in to look for heart beats and couldn’t find one of them. He gave us the news right there and then that we had a baby that had died, and they needed to get the other one out quickly. I remember asking him if this was a joke, and he said he would never joke about something like this. I was really hoping it was a joke deep inside.
To make my long story short, our living son Kaden was in the NICU for 6 weeks. He had issues galore. We brought him home knowing he would pass at any time. We named the still born Jordan. My parents came from Utah to Illinois to take Jordan back with them to bury him. I really wished that we were able to go back with them and be there, but we were still hoping for good things with Kaden. We had Kaden home for a week with us and enjoyed our moments with him. We sang primary songs to him and took pictures of him and with him. We had a group of ward members with us as Kaden went to a Heavenly world.
We never got angry with God. We didn’t understand for a long time why this had to happen. I am just so grateful that we were able to be blessed with having 2 sons that were perfect enough to get bodies and go back to a lot of love. We have missed them for the past 16 years. We have grown in wisdom and knowledge that the plan of our Heavenly Father is so perfect and that we are to grow from each challenge that we face. We can’t wait until we get to see them again!