My Light Has Come!!!

15th time is the charm I guess 😉 After trying 15 medications over a 6 year period with 12 different doctors, we have FINALLY figured out what my body needs to thrive mentally and emotionally.

In the hospital this last December, the hormone psychiatrist I met with told me that my brain has a severe reaction to hormone changes in my body. Through several indicators from my mood charts, she knew that my body responded well to estrogen, so she prescribed an estrogen-based birth control to stop my body's production of hormones, thus stopping any hormone changes that were making my life so difficult.

This one didn't work well for me, and I was devastated. There were no words for how tragic this felt. After 2 months, my doctor switched me to another estrogen-based birth control (one with higher estrogen and lower progesterone), and this one has worked WONDERS for me!

For the last 3 years, I have been between a 23 and 25 (out of 27) on the PHQ9 depression test. Two weeks after starting this new birth control, I was down to a 17, a number I had not seen since the first time I went to the doctor for this problem 6 years ago. Now, after 5 weeks on this medication, I am down to a 12!!!

I can't really describe what it's like to feel the emotion of happiness again. I can't explain how remarkable it is to have the energy and strength to do not only the basics of life but everything I want to do again. I can't put into words what it's like to want to live again. It's like having a second chance at life, one that I will NEVER forget to appreciate and love, and one that is dedicated to helping others through their own darkness and heartache.

For so long, I never thought this day would come, but it is here now, and it is oh so sweet. I'm thankful for every person who shared their light with me when mine was gone, who helped me to hold on when it seemed there was nothing to hold onto anymore, and who wrapped my heart in love when I felt unlovable. I am here today because of you, so thank you!!!

#YouAreLoved
#YouAreNeeded
#YouAreEnough
#YouAreWorthTheFight
#DontGiveUp
#ThereIsAlwaysHope
#YourLightWillCome

Progress

Progress is slow. Progress is long. Progress is hard. Progress is not a straight line. Rather, it is a series of many little ups and downs that overall follow an upward course. But progress is progress.

That's where I'm at right now. We switched medications again, and finally, after all of these years of trying and praying and believing, I am seeing some positive progress. It's not that I'm all better. In fact, I'm still in the moderately severe range on the depression scale. But I'm not in the severe range right now, and things are slowly improving, so progress is progress.

A few times in the last week I've caught myself genuinely laughing or smiling, and it has surprised me to feel the emotion of happiness a little more often. A few times I've felt the delicate feelings of the Spirit again, and those times have been so sweet and cherished. A few times I've seen a little more of who I really am shining through, and I've felt hope that my light hasn't gone out.

I still have a long way to go, but I'm finally going somewhere, so I'm thankful.