Before we moved across the country to Post Falls, I was absolutely terrified. What would people think of me? I knew they would never know the "me" before severe depression and anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks, and that hurt me so terribly. I wondered how I would explain to them who I really was but also what awful things I experienced nearly every day. I knew I needed love and support so desperately, but I didn't know if I would find it in this new, unknown place.
I didn't know what else to do besides pray, and boy did I pray fervently and often. Eventually, I made a promise with God. If He would provide me with the people I needed to love and support and help me through my darkness, then I would take EVERY opportunity I could to use my darkness to bless others.
God most certainly has provided me with the people I've needed, so I've done everything I can to hold up on my end of the promise. Since moving here, I've had multiple opportunities to speak to several different groups of people about depression. I've been able to have an article published in a worldwide magazine. I've been able to start an unofficial non-profit for the psych unit of the hospital. I've been able to share more on social media and have had a few opportunities to have posts that reached all around the world.
This isn't meant to point at me at all. It is meant to point at God and show what He can do with my brokenness to try to help others, both those who struggle with depression and those who don't.
A few days ago, I found out about an opportunity to apply for a video aimed at helping those who struggle with depression and anxiety as well as those who support someone struggling. At first, I read the requirements and thought it wasn't for me. But yesterday, I couldn't get it off my mind no matter how hard I tried. So I went for it. I prepared my thoughts, which had to be condensed down into a 1-2 minute video (so hard to fit into that short time frame!), recorded the video with the help of Kyle late into the night last night, and submitted my application this morning. Who knows if I will be chosen or not. But at least I can say that I am still trying to uphold my promise with God.
