7.20.2020

Wounded

I remember listening to this talk on repeat for several months after it was given in the October 2018 General Conference.  The title "Wounded" seemed to fit how I felt then, and the words of the talk were precisely the words my aching heart needed to hear at that time.  But this morning I listened to it again through heartbroken tears, and it offered the same peace that it did before, although under different circumstances.  In 2018, I was in the middle of a soul-crushing battle with depression.  The wounds of my heart were painfully fresh with no chance of healing yet, as they were continually ripped open by each dark day and each failed attempt at finding relief.  Now I'm not in that dark place anymore, but the wounds still haven't healed, and it seems the only way to let them heal is to allow myself to feel them again and work through them.  While my natural reaction is to stuff the pain down deep into my heart where it will never be able to resurface, I know that's not really healing.  And so I'm allowing myself to feel pain, to understand hurt, and to be broken, all for the hope of finding the future healing that I know will come in time.

Wounded