Two years ago, our family was stuck in a living nightmare. I was in the hospital for the second time in two months and it really seemed like it was only an unrealistic, unattainable dream that I would be okay again. That there was a world ahead of me, waiting for me, that would not involve the seemingly unbearable amount of anxiety and depression that I was experiencing at that time. Seeing this memory pop up brings so many thoughts and feelings.
First and foremost, there's the feeling of absolute gratitude for Kyle who didn't give up on me, who loved me and sustained me through that horrific time, and who had the faith to believe in and vision to see happier, more peaceful times to come. I literally could not have gotten through that time without him. He was the only one who had the ability to bring any bit of calm to my tumultuous heart.
Then, there's the overwhelming feeling of gratitude for how far we've come together. I never knew life could be this good again. There are definitely still ups and downs. There's still a lot of trauma that I'm working through in counseling and sometimes it throws me to the ground. But overall, life is good. I will admit that I miss the old me before all of this. Sometimes my heart feels the agonizing pain and I desperately wish I could go back to that pre-2016, pre-severe depression version of myself who seemed to have so much potential and who loved myself for who I was at that time. But I'm slowly learning how to accept and love this new version of myself too. The version that is so much more compassionate and understanding than I ever could have been before. The person who has overcome mountains and can help others overcome mountains too.
But mostly, there's the desire to tell every single person who is currently living in a nightmare, who wonders if their dark night has an end and the light will come again, that YES, there are much better days ahead. We went through absolute hell for 4 months, but somehow we've come out on top and can see breathtaking views from where we are now. Oh how I wish I could hug every broken heart and share my hope for the future. My life is far from how I imagined it would be, and there are so many things that feel like no one can understand or that feel far from "normal," but this life is beautiful because it shattered but now it's slowly being put back together.
