10.04.2017

Joy, Miracles, Joy

Today I received the unfortunate news that this does not appear to be a hormone imbalance and is most likely bipolar disorder.  I thought I would be so sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, or afraid if this was the case, but I'm not.  I feel peace and hope.  I think part of this peace is due to the fact that I'm in a high mood right now, but another larger part is because of the wonderful weekend I just experienced.

This last weekend, I got to listen to General Conference-- 10 hours of inspired, uplifting messages from today's living apostles and prophets.  While I listened, I paid special attention and counted the number of times I heard the word "joy."  By the end, I was amazed to have heard "joy" spoken 62 times (not including the songs and prayers that also said "joy" several more times).  Every time I heard that word, my heart was lifted, and I felt a gentle confirmation that God is supporting me and helping me in my quest to find joy in all things.

Two talks, in particular, really touched my heart.  The first was a talk given by Jean Bingham entitled "That Your Joy Might Be Full" about our ability to find joy through the Savior no matter what is happening in our lives.  The second was given right after by Donald Hallstrom and was called "Has the Day of Miracles Ceased?"  This talk focused on the fact that, even though miracles are real and are all around us, sometimes these miracles include not being healed from our pain and having the faith that what we are experiencing fits into God's perfect plan.



As I have reflected on these two beautiful talks, I have felt true joy and peace, and I know that everything is going to work out perfectly according to what God knows is best for me.  While some of the past thoughts and feelings are returning knowing that this is not going to be resolved quickly, I also know that I am not alone.  Not only do I have my Heavenly Father and Savior near me, but I have a whole army of friends that I have met in this last year who have shown me that it truly is possible to find joy no matter the circumstances.  I believe some kind of miracle will come, whether that be in the form of a medication that will work for me, divine strength to make it through the most difficult times, or the ability to help others through my experiences.  I know there will continue to be miracles throughout this journey.  I just have to have the eyes to see them.

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