Struggling immensely to get out of bed every morning.
Getting back into bed 100 times a day, spending hours in bed each day, and not knowing how to get through life any other way.
Wondering every morning why people get up and do things and where the motivation comes from.
Feeling absolutely nothing at all, until it builds up for long enough and comes out in a day of intense crying, before going back to feeling nothing again.
Knowing that I'm not keeping up, but not caring enough to try to actually keep up.
Wishing I can change, but feeling completely overwhelmed the second I start to think about how.
Feeling discouraged before even starting a task, so I don't start at all.
Staying inside for days at a time and not seeing anything wrong with never leaving the house or doing much of anything.
Having this feeling of wandering aimlessly and wishing for some kind of purpose to life again.
The desire to do anything that can make time move forward, even if that means wasting time for hours on end.
This kind of depression is so hard to identify, and possibly even harder to work through. I feel nothing, do nothing, and only occasionally does that bother me. Of course, I was really sick with pregnancy for those few months too, but it was only recently that I realized how much I have been struggling without really knowing it. I guess this has become almost like a new normal, so it doesn't feel so different anymore. Yesterday and today I have been really sick again, but once I start feeling better, I am determined to start doing more with my days again. And when I feel overwhelmed or hopeless, I will remind myself that this is a season, and so soon I will be able to get help with a medication again. There are happier days ahead!
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