Relief

For the first time in three weeks, my darkness suddenly lifted today.  We were randomly walking around Goodwill, when it felt as if someone had taken a huge weight of bricks off my heart.  I took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh of relief as I remembered once again that this isn't me.  There's something chemically wrong inside my brain, and it isn't my fault that this terrible darkness encompasses my heart so often.  I also sighed as I celebrated surviving another very dark, very painful storm.  I now have another success to add to my list of all the times I didn't think I could survive but I did.

Of course, I didn't do it alone though.  I am positive that I would never be able to do it on my own.  I feel so incredibly blessed to have earthly angels all around me who are willing to pray, text, talk, and serve me in those darkest hours, when I am in the most need of love and support. 

Sometimes when a storm passes, I feel overwhelmed at how dark the last storm was and how hard it is to imagine that the struggle is going to come back again.  But instead of looking to the future with worry, I have learned to just enjoy the light for as long as it lasts, since it might only last a few hours or days before my night comes again.

Right now, I feel so so thankful!  Thankful that I can breath easily again, thankful that I can feel and see things as they really are for a time, thankful that I get a break from the weeks of struggle that I thought would never lift, thankful that I've been given so many incredible blessings in my life, thankful that I'm even stronger now than I was before this latest storm, and thankful that I didn't give in or give up when all hope and light seemed lost.  I can do hard things, one dark storm at a time!