Getting Better

 When I'm depressed, doing a load of dishes or laundry or making dinner feels impossible. Literally impossible. But lately I've been able to do those things with ease, sometimes multiple at the same time, like today.

Tonight a memory flooded back to me. I remember being in the hospital crying painful tears, telling one of the amazing counselors there that I just couldn't keep going, and I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had a beautiful family and seemingly everything going for me, yet all I wanted was to be gone forever. She said, "This is 100% depression. You do have everything going for you, so the fact that you feel this way means you are depressed." I remember the sweet relief I felt in that moment. Relief that there was indeed something wrong with me (yes, I had forgotten that in that moment). Relief that depression was making me feel this way, not my lack of gratitude for how blessed my life is. Relief that we could find some solution to my sadness so that I could feel happy with my beautiful family again.

It's crazy to see what hormones do to me. I can't even describe what it feels like to see how much progress I've made in the last several months since that time in the hospital. And I feel so thankful for being able to do dishes or laundry and not struggle tearfully through them. Life is getting to be so good again.

Marriage

 If I had to choose just one thing that I am most thankful for about struggling with my mental health, it's hands down Kyle and how our relationship has grown through this trial.  Not only has he been there through the very worst times I have experienced, but he also works hard to earn money so that I can go to counseling and have a gym membership to improve my situation.  He celebrates with me when I work out and encourages me to continue swimming my half mile, improving my time, and working up to swimming a mile.  He spends some of his free time researching hormones and medicine and possible things that could help me.  He takes time out of work to go to my appointments with me so that he can be a second set of ears and an advocate for me.  He is willing to listen after every counseling session and help me continue working through the pains that come out each time.  We have come to the point where we can talk about anything.  I can be completely honest with him about how I'm feeling or what's on my mind.  He has learned to not just ask how I'm doing but to ask more detailed questions to really understand where I'm at.  He takes pictures of me doing things with my kids to help me fight the feeling that I am failing my family and am not good enough for them.  I don't know what I did to deserve such an incredible person, but I'm beyond thankful to have him in my life.  

#FeelingThankful 

#MarriageIsAGift 

#TeamAveryForever