When I'm depressed, doing a load of dishes or laundry or making dinner feels impossible. Literally impossible. But lately I've been able to do those things with ease, sometimes multiple at the same time, like today.
Tonight a memory flooded back to me. I remember being in the hospital crying painful tears, telling one of the amazing counselors there that I just couldn't keep going, and I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had a beautiful family and seemingly everything going for me, yet all I wanted was to be gone forever. She said, "This is 100% depression. You do have everything going for you, so the fact that you feel this way means you are depressed." I remember the sweet relief I felt in that moment. Relief that there was indeed something wrong with me (yes, I had forgotten that in that moment). Relief that depression was making me feel this way, not my lack of gratitude for how blessed my life is. Relief that we could find some solution to my sadness so that I could feel happy with my beautiful family again.
It's crazy to see what hormones do to me. I can't even describe what it feels like to see how much progress I've made in the last several months since that time in the hospital. And I feel so thankful for being able to do dishes or laundry and not struggle tearfully through them. Life is getting to be so good again.
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