Things I have been hungering for people to know about how I've been feeling. Not for a pity party or sympathy. Just so people can know where I'm at and for me to relieve the heavy burden on my heart from feeling like I have to hide what is going on in my world right now.
--I feel alone.
--I feel unlovable.
--I feel incredibly scared of being vulnerable because of the fear of how it might be received.
--I feel like a huge burden.
--I feel like I am losing everyone around me because of this ongoing struggle.
--I feel this heavy conflict of trying to love myself as I am now and not long for the person I used to be and want so bad to be again.
--I wonder if anyone can truly understand what I am feeling and experiencing, especially when there aren't often the adequate words to describe it.
--I feel like a shell of who I once was.
--I worry that I am beyond healing.
--I feel like it takes so much effort to smile and have fun. I'm willing to make the effort, but I don't want it to be confused as me being okay. It often feels fake or forced, but I'm trying my hardest to make it real again.
Like I said before, this is not a call for attention or sympathy. I simply need people to know. Kyle feels great confidence that God knows and loves me even as I am and that this will improve. I am holding onto his confidence and having faith that he is right.
Once again, photo credit to the amazing Brooklyn. She's going to be a professional photographer before I know it.
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