Trauma

 Ever since July 16th, I have been living in this easily triggered state of the frequent "this time last year" trauma. Sometimes I could predict when it would come and other times it has caught me completely off guard. That is almost over for this year, and my counselor reassures me that it will be somewhat easier next year and continue getting easier as the years go by.

But this week is the worst of it. Last October 30th, I got home from my second and longest hospital stay, 2 1/2 weeks. But when I got home, not only were things not better, they were far worse! Kyle took the whole next week off work and my wonderful friend took my kids for the entire week while I literally just tried to survive. Kyle and I had some very special experiences together that week that I hold close to my heart, but ultimately he was there to save me. No one can comprehend what those days were like for me or him. We were living a pure hellish nightmare. I didn't know if or how things could ever get better from there.

On my birthday last year, November 4th, he took me to the hospital one last time. I stayed a long, lonely, tear-filled night in the ER waiting for a bed to open up. November 5th, I was officially admitted. When I met with the doctor that day, she asked why I was back and what I expected they could do for me. And then November 6th, things began to change in miraculous ways until I was ready to go home on November 11th and start picking up my broken pieces and trying to live life again.

I'm riding the wave that this week might be, but there's a difference this time. There's a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I've almost done it, friends. One year down, and hopefully it will keep getting easier from here.