Last night, the increasing intensity of mania lifted suddenly. Knowing that this moment of happiness wouldn't last long, my husband and I took full advantage. We talked, we joked, and we even laughed. I don't remember the last time that I genuinely laughed at something (not because I don't want to laugh but because the pain has been overpowering). It felt like we were carefree, silly newlyweds again. I was able to focus on him completely and give no thought to my broken heart and broken brain. For a moment, it was almost as if everything was normal again.
This morning, the mania has returned, and it is really awful right now, but I can't help but feel so thankful for last night. It was a breath of fresh air, and I'm so glad that I got to enjoy it with my husband.
If it wasn't for all the difficulty lately, all the hard days and hard nights, the tears and the anguish and the pain, we wouldn't have known to appreciate that hour of happiness last night. Never before would one hour of feeling peace in my mind and my heart have been viewed as a great blessing, but now it is. Truly, we cannot know happiness without knowing sorrow. Right now, I feel blessed to be acquainted with sorrow so that I can fully enjoy the moments of happiness as they come.
I love this quote by Elder Wirthlin. Although I am nowhere near loving bipolar, God is helping me recognize how it is providing me with little blessings, including appreciating the good moments, even though they are fleeting.