Joy, Doctor's Appointment, and More JOY

Today is a very good day!  I can breath again, my heart feels relief from the heavy darkness of depression, my eyes are filled with tears of gratitude that I made it through the last storm, and I feel peace.

Today I had a doctor's appointment.  In some ways, it felt like a step forward, and in some ways, it felt like a step back.

The doctor pulled my diagnosis of rapid cycling bipolar II.  She is not sure if the "mania" I've been experiencing is mania or panic attacks.

As a result, she prescribed an anxiety medication, and I will try taking that during the "mania" time to see if what I am experiencing is really just one panic attack after another that is taking over my body.  If it helps, then she will go the avenue of trying to manage the anxiety, and if it doesn't help, then she will work toward managing the mania.  I guess we'll just have to see.

She kept my prescription of zoloft, although I'm not sure if that's something to be glad about or not.  I've been on half a zoloft since going to my family doctor last week, because my family doctor was concerned that it was the zoloft that was causing my cycles to double.  She told me that zoloft is not a good medication to take for bipolar, so she was sure that the psychiatrist would switch to something else.  I guess not?  It's so hard to know who to believe about what.

She also kept me on lithium, although she might increase the dose after I get my blood drawn since it doesn't seem to be helping much.  That's another reason that she thinks it might not be mania since the lithium hasn't helped yet.  But I am on the lowest dose, so that's just something to wait and see about also.

One very good thing is that there is an option of a medication to take during pregnancy, which can help with both the depression and mania of bipolar!!!  Since the doctor isn't sure what is going on right now and wants to get a diagnosis first, I will not be able to try to get pregnant for several more months, but pregnancy can hopefully be in my future!

They can't get me in for another appointment until February 13th, but that just means that my heart will get more help in time for Valentine's Day  :)

Today I find JOY in:

  • My husband getting to go to my appointment with me
  • Recognizing the goodness of people in sacrificing time and money to go to school and become doctors in order to help people
  • The vast number of medications that have been developed and the people who have paved the way to make these medications available
  • Feeling loved by so many people who check in to see how I'm doing
  • Getting sleep last night!!!
  • Finally remembering to put the pork in the crockpot so we can have pulled pork for dinner  :)
  • Watching "Over the Hedge" with my daughter AKA "The Squirrel Movie"
  • Seeing all of my BFFs at the nursing home.  Old people really do make the best friends!
  • And having a cute hat to wear when I was too tired to get up and shower this morning

P.S. JOY is all around me in the form of these lovely visual reminders!

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