That We Might Have Joy: Cassidy's Story

On April 12, 2016 my husband and I learned that we were unexpectedly expecting another bundle of joy! We were over the moon, yet scared and nervous, because at that time, our little boy was only 6 months old. Together, my dear husband and I prayed for peace and comfort and for the safety of this child. I prayed all the time that the baby was growing healthy and strong.

No sooner than 4 weeks later, at my first ultrasound, I learned that my baby's heart had stopped beating hours earlier. On May 10, 2016, I officially miscarried this child at almost 10 weeks. Although we did not plan to have this child, but we did start to plan to be parents again and welcome another baby into our lives.

When I found out I was pregnant, I prayed that the baby would be safe and told Heavenly Father that, even though I was scared, I was thankful He had chosen me to be its mother.  But then when I lost the baby, I was angry at God and didn't have the desire to go to church or pray.  I felt like God had forgotten about me or wasn't even real. I felt like my prayers didn't matter.  I got really angry with everything and noticed life started to get really hard and just plain crappy.

My husband was scared that I would fall away from the church, but I wanted answers for myself. So I prayed. I prayed hard. I read the scriptures and did everything I was supposed to do.  Even though I didn't know what I believed anymore, I did the things I knew were right. I actually sat in a missionary discussion about the plan of happiness.  Even if everything else wasn't true, this is the one thing I wanted to be a part of, because in the end, everything is good and we can be with our families forever.

I'm still scared, and at times hurt and upset, but I'm happier when I do the things I grew up knowing I needed to do. When I'm serving and searching for my answers, I just feel like there is a purpose for everything that happened. I'm still not 100% okay with everything, but I have found joy again, even more joy, because of leaning on Heavenly Father.  I know He has a plan for me, a plan much greater than I understand right now.

(To read more details of her experience, visit her BLOG)

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