How Does Depression Fit into the Gospel of Jesus Christ?

I've asked this question so many times.  I've never doubted that there is a place for depression in the church, because I know there's a place for everyone and every struggle in Christ's church, but sometimes I wonder where I fit or how living the gospel is possible with severe depression.  As I've pondered this question for several weeks, I've gained some new insights that I want to share as a way of offering hope and peace to someone else who may wonder where they fit.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there is a lot that is asked of me, and I desperately want to do it, because I have seen in the past how these things have blessed my life.  But in moments of severe depression, it is very difficult to keep up with anything, let alone the many, many things that are expected of me in the church.  I've continually tried to keep up or do all the right things, and lately, I've had to modify or let some things go, because I simply cannot do it all.  So here is what I've found that can work for me:

1. Scripture study-- For the last several years, scripture study has been one of the most difficult things I've had to do.  This frustrates me so much, because I used to really enjoy studying and learning.  I felt like it was a very uplifting experience every day, and I miss that.  But I can still have a good, non-destructive experience studying if I change how I do it.  Honestly, it doesn't make sense, but I can't open the scriptures.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but for some reason, that is super overwhelming to me.  It's like I can't stay in the present, because doing it today makes me remember that I have to do it tomorrow and the next day and the next day, and I simply cannot do it today without feeling very overwhelmed about all the days to follow that I have to do it again and again and again.  I can't read from the pages without spending the rest of the day either crying or feeling very negative things about myself.  But what I can do is listen to conference talks.  So you know what I do?  I listen to a conference talk every day.  Is it wrong?  No, not at all, because it's what I can handle to still obey and do what I need to do.  I think I can handle this because it has a very clear beginning and end, so I don't have to worry about the next chapter after the one I'm already studying.  Some days I even find talks that are specifically applicable to depression, because I finally realized that the point of studying the scriptures is to help me come closer to the Savior and to bring the Spirit into my life.  If that means studying the same talk about depression every single day for the rest of my life, then that's okay if that's what I need to feel closer to Heavenly Father and to endure the challenges that I have been given in this life.
2. Temple attendance-- This is another thing that has become nearly impossible when I am severely depressed.  Not only is it overwhelming to find a babysitter and to organize how we can actually go, but then the time spent in the temple is very difficult for me, and I usually struggle greatly for days after.  Once again, it doesn't make sense, but it is very real and debilitating.  One thing I have accepted is that it's okay to not always be able to go as long as I am trying to go as often as I can with the circumstances and stage of life I am in.  Another thing I've accepted is that I cannot do an endowment session in my current state.  It's not worth it to go when the days after are honestly hellish.  But I've found that I can do sealings or initiatories without these terrible after effects, so that's what I do now.  I simply try my best and allow myself to feel that Heavenly Father understands me perfectly and recognizes how hard I am trying, even though things look much different now than they used to.
3. Church attendance-- I love going to church, but it is also a struggle almost every week.  I struggle listening to the talks, because I get very overwhelmed thinking about all the things I should be doing and am not doing perfectly.  It's like my brain can't choose just one thing to work on, and pretty soon it is flooded with thoughts of how I'm not good enough or not worthy.  I know it would seem easy to say that I just have to stop thinking like that, but my brain is sick, so that's not always possible.  I can see a very real difference in my thinking when I feel better, so I know it is the brain sickness that causes this difficulty.  Often times, my emotions are very near the surface on Sundays.  This frequently causes me to panic, because I can't hold in the emotion anymore, but I desperately want to hide it from everyone.  I've learned first and foremost that it is okay to cry!  It's okay to not hold it altogether.  It's okay to "lose it" in front of everyone.  It's okay to let others comfort me and hold me close in those times when my heart is breaking.  It's okay to let others see my hurt and to let them know that I am a very real person with a very real struggle.  All of this is okay, and it has blessed my life tremendously to let go of the desire to hide from everyone when my heart is in pain.
4. Service-- As you can imagine, struggling to even get out of the house has made serving others a nearly impossible task.  I used to do so much-- babysit, take meals, visit people, give rides, etc.  It was the thing that brought me so much joy.  But just because most of my days are filled with struggle now does not mean that I can't serve.  I just have to serve in different ways than I used to.  One thing I have found that I can do is text people.  I can send a short message letting someone know that I am thinking about them or love them.  I can ask how people are doing or try to remember special things going on in their lives to check back on.  I can compliment people and offer words of encouragement and love.  The best part is, I don't have to leave the comfort of my own home to do this.  I can serve from my bed or from the couch on the days when I spend most of my time in those two places.  I also try to take advantage of the days when I am feeling better to do the other things that I cannot do on my depression days.  It boosts my spirits when people allow me to serve them, because it makes me feel more a part of my ward family.
5. Callings-- I'm sure I sound like a whiny broken record by now, but callings have presented a real struggle in my life the last few years.  A few things I have learned is that I can talk with my bishop to let him know about my circumstances so that I am not asked to do more than I am capable of.  I have also learned that it's okay to simplify my calling to the very basics.  It's okay to have to say "no" when there are things I simply cannot do and it's okay to need to ask for help to be able to do my calling without having it affect my mental health too greatly.

I'm thankful for where I am at now in the things I have learned and the ways I have found that I can still be a part of Christ's church while struggling, even struggling greatly at times.  I'm not perfect (obviously!) but I try, and I know that Heavenly Father sees that and accepts my broken offerings.  I know that the things I do in the church have grown in meaning and purpose through the difficulty in doing them, and I'm thankful for those who have stood by me to comfort and help me realize my place in God's plan.