Faith and Courage

This week, my evenings have been filled with fear. It's like the sun goes down and suddenly fear takes over my heart. I worry about this new medication not working or making things worse, like all the other medications I've tried in the past. I worry about never finding something that can help me. I worry about having to face another day when the one I just finished was already so exhausting and difficult. I worry about being selfish, because I'm at a point of needing help and having very little to offer in terms of service. I worry that the persistent thoughts that I can't do this will never go away. I worry that I'm going to chase away anyone who has ever loved me, because I keep needing to call on the same people to love, encourage, and offer hope.

And then to top it all off, I remember all those times I've heard something along the lines of "faith and fear cannot co-exist" or "fear is the absence of faith," and the anxiety of not having perfect faith seems unbearable.

But yesterday I found this quote by President Monson, and I love it! I love the thought that fear is simply a part of this life, but facing my fears with faith can make me courageous. Honestly, it takes faith trying a new medicine not knowing how it will affect my mind and body. It takes faith to get up every morning and fight through another day. It takes faith to believe in God's love for me, when I rarely feel it. It takes faith to hope for a better future that I cannot presently see. It takes faith to open up and admit I need help again and again and again, because I truly can't do this alone. Even though my faith is far from perfect, I can choose to be courageous by facing my fears and fighting through each new day with faith.