Prized Possessions

 Hear me out for this long story, because I have to tell it for my own heart's sake.  And I'll just throw this out there now, this is not a pregnancy announcement 😉

In July of 2019, we found out I was pregnant.  It was such a sweet surprise.  I immediately felt connected to that little baby.  A friend of a friend had an Etsy shop, and when I saw this little "Made in Idaho" onesie and booties, I knew I HAD to buy them.  I also bought a little hat and mocassins from a separate place too, because I was so excited and happy.  

Then at the end of August, I started bleeding.  The baby's heart rate was fine, so I was told everything would be okay.  I came home from the hospital, and my package of baby things had arrived in the mail that very same day.  I was so happy to see these sweet purchases.  I snuggled them close and felt relief wash over me that my baby was fine after this scare.  We were in the middle of moving into our house, so I packed the outfit on top of my baby box and sealed it up.  But then things tragically got worse, and by the end of the next week, our sweet baby was gone.  

We moved into our house, and while we were unpacking, I saw a box that wasn't labeled.  I opened it, immediately gasped for air, and ran to my room to sob.  In that unlabeled box were my baby things, the very things I had saved and bought, sure that this baby would safely join our family the next April.  On the top were my purchases I had snuggled close and felt relief.  I didn't even think to label the box, because I had no clue when I was packing it up what heartbreaking events would transpire.  That tore me to pieces.  

Then in July of 2020, I went off birth control to try to have another baby.  I immediately plummeted into deep depression, but I knew it was worth it to bring one more baby into our family.  One particularly difficult day, I went to Walmart to walk around and pass a little more time.  I saw this cute hat on the clearance aisle.  I bought it as my motivation to keep going through the depression, because the end result would be worth it.  I kept it on my dresser so I could see it each day.  We did end up getting pregnant after 3 grueling months, but that pregnancy ended in more heartbreak and tears.  

And then I had a complete mental breakdown in 2021 and realized that our baby days were over.  I saved my little outfit, booties, and hats, not sure what to do with them.  I couldn't get rid of them yet, but I also couldn't bear seeing them sitting there, so I stuffed them away and thought maybe someday I would have the courage to give them to a sweet friend who was expecting.

When I found out that my friend Jessica was pregnant, I just KNEW she was the one I could give these to.  I knew she would appreciate and love them and know how much they meant to me.  I'm so darn happy for her that it's hard to contain my excitement.

My heart still hurts sometimes, but it is healing, and I know it is healing, because I've found the courage to give away some of my most prized possessions.