5.21.2022

Hard Time

 This week has been indescribably hard. Last Saturday, I began to experience some symptoms that are irritating, uncomfortable, and very anxiety-provoking for me, symptoms that I had previously experienced and sought every form of help I could think of with no relief, symptoms that contributed to my breaking point last summer because I just couldn't handle the pain and discomfort any longer without knowing how to make it better. These symptoms went away for a while and just suddenly and randomly came back. I've spent so much of my week in bed with Garrett by my side, watching movies or playing dumb word games on my phone to distract myself. I've cried more times than I can count. I feel physically sick from all the stress. I've struggled eating again and have lost a few pounds already. I've had no desire to do anything, including my hobbies. Kyle has called several times each day just to check on how I'm doing. We clean together as a family before the kids go to bed every night because it's too overwhelming for me to do any of it during the day. Kyle and I spend our mornings and evenings together talking while I cry about my fears and pain. I've had to ask for help or back out of certain responsibilities because I'm not capable of doing them at the moment.

I'm frustrated. I'm scared. I'm overwhelmed. I'm seeking help but not feeling hope that it will really do anything. I'm trying to keep my anxiety at bay the best I can until we can figure out what we are going to do about all of this. 

But most of all, I'm continuing on with the help of so many people who help me bear these heavy burdens so that I don't have to do it alone.

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