Moving Forward

I have to share a thought I've had the last few days. But first a little background. I've been sad recently. Not the depressed kind of sad, but the sad that comes from the pain of realizing what my life is now compared to what it used to be. All the broken pieces, all the missed years of learning and growth and progression, and all the missed opportunities with my family and friends and in my community have really gotten me down. Kyle has tried to point out that I've grown, I've been able to reach tens of thousands of people all around the world through writing openly about my depression, and I've started an unofficial non-profit for the psych unit of the hospital because of these struggles, but I've repeated that I would trade all of that for what I once had going for me. 

But I realized something a few days ago that has lifted me up. I realized that a portion of the good that happens in the world has come from bleak circumstances. I can think of so many examples. An organization created to teach self-defense was started by someone who had been kidnapped and sexually abused. A family who lost their daughter to drowning wrote about their grief and delivered hospital stay goodie bags in honor of their daughter to help others in their same position. Another family who lost their sweet little girl to diabetes consistently share the warning signs and use their voice to try to make sure another family won't go through the same horror. A family who lost their son after he was hit by a car at an intersection host a bike safety day for the community every year and give away free helmets. A woman who lost her husband to suicide shares her story and her pains as well as the pains of her children to help others know how important it is to stay. The list could go on and on. No one wanted these things to happen, but the bad opened their eyes to a need that they were prepared to fill through their understanding, and most importantly, they chose to fill it.

I wish so terribly that I wouldn't have been severely depressed for so many years and now carry the trauma of all the things that came with that, but the fact is, I was, so now I have to decide what I'm going to do with it. All of the people I mentioned before inspire me to continue to use my past darkness to do good, however that might look.

Do I still wish that I could go back and somehow stop everything bad from happening? YES! But am I learning to look to the future and do what I can to use these experiences for good? Also yes. It's hard not to wish for different circumstances, but we don't often get to choose those. So I'm doing what I can to be thankful for my ability to choose how to move forward from this now.