September 1, 2016
Today I bore my testimony in sacrament meeting. At one point, I felt so much inspiration and clarity in my mind, and the inspiration poured out in words that I know did not come from me, "I know that God knows us perfectly and designs our trials perfectly. I know that He knows what we are capable of handling, and that whenever we are ready, He will give us more." I don't know why I said that, but maybe He's preparing me for more.
September 8, 2016
A big trial is coming. I know it. I feel it. I want to write to myself now, so that whenever the hard days come, I will be strengthened. I know that the Savior lives, and through His Atonement, we can do all things. I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of me and wants to help me. I know that trials are not given because we did something wrong, but are meant to strengthen us. I am ready for more growth.
September 11, 2016
I wanted to write some thoughts and feelings I've had recently, with the hope that I can go back and read these words and find comfort when I need it.
I've had this really strong impression recently that a big trial is coming in my life. It's been such a pressing thought that I've felt very tense in my heart over the last week. I haven't felt afraid or worried or upset, just kind of on-edge.
Yesterday for scripture study, I read an article in this month's Ensign that talked about how trials are meant to help us grow, and that there comes a time when we are spiritually mature enough to ask for trials, because we want to grow. I read that and thought it sounded crazy! Who would ever ask for a trial?!
Today I went to sacrament meeting and the topic of the meeting was trials. The man who spoke said almost the exact same thing as what I read last night. He also said that sometimes we say to God that we want to be just like Him, but we don't want to go through the pain, grief, and sorrow to get there. But that's not the way it works and we should be anxious to go through trials as a way of becoming like our Heavenly Father. Trials are a blessing because they show us that God knows we are ready for more growth.
During that talk, I had this burning feeling in my heart that I am ready for more. Life has been pretty smooth sailing for the last few months, and I've thought many times over the last month that my life is basically perfect right now. Since I want to grow and I want to become like Heavenly Father, I prayed and told Heavenly Father that I am ready. I will accept whatever trials He has in store for me, and I will live with dignity and grace through the tough times in my life.
I'm not sure what Heavenly Father has prepared specifically for me, but I do know that He will help me through whatever happens, and that I will come out the other end being better and stronger.
I remember writing these words to myself. I remember feeling the desire to have a trial so that I could grow. I remember feeling God preparing me, because He also knew that I needed to grow.
Now I am here. I am living the time that I felt was coming. I do find comfort in the testimony that I wrote to myself. I find comfort in remembering the burning feeling in my chest that I was ready for more and that humble prayer asking God to give me whatever He had in store. I didn't know, at the time, that it was possible to feel so much mental anguish and keep going. But I'm still going.
I feel peaceful and submissive. I've never felt that during a trial before. I'm thankful for the pain, grief, and sorrow that are allowing me to become like God by experience. I'm thankful that I was prepared, so that I can face this difficult time with faith, instead of fear. And someday, when I have proven myself, I will come out the other end better and stronger! I'm determined to use this trial in that way.